I think I had a déjà vu! And I think I have a million more gray hairs and my heart still hasn't stopped freaking out. And I KNOW I have increased faith in God because He has protected and watched over our missionary so closely!!! I believe in miracles, and you are a walking miracle! I know what happened could have been so much worse, and I will be grateful to God forever and ever for watching over my baby boy!
I couldn't believe it when I saw we had another call from Sister Nicholas on Tuesday night. I prayed it was an insurance question or something like that, but in my heart I knew it wasn't. I knew something had happened. This I've learned, the mission office doesn't call to say hello. They call with a reason, and it's not usually a happy one.
After your first seizure I really struggled to feel peace. Not just that day, but for the entire week following. Every since you've been gone I've felt such joy and peace. It's been a miracle, one that I didn't expect, but one that I have treasured. After that call on Easter morning I couldn't get that peace and joy back. I prayed and I tried but I just couldn't feel it. I went to the temple, and I felt peace while I was there, but when I got home it was gone. It finally returned the following Monday when we heard from you and I knew that other than a bloody and blackened eye, you were doing really well. And I was so grateful to feel the peace and joy again.
This last time was different. I'm not sure why. I fell apart when Sister Nicholas called, but after a short time, about 30 minutes, I felt this feeling of peace come over me. It wasn't the normal peace I feel on a day to day basis, but it was peace, and it was amazing. As the days went on I was worried, but not in the same way. I felt like I was being carried, and I know that is exactly what was happening. I also felt like God was giving me a big hug. I knew He was very close, to you and to us. I knew He was completely aware and intimately involved.
I kept going back to the scripture that President Vongsawad shared the night you were set apart:
D&C 84:87-88
"Behold, I send you out to reprove the world of all their unrighteous deeds, and to teach them of a judgment which is to come. And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up."
This scripture has brought me so much comfort, and I KNOW it to be true. God is in front of our face, He is in our very personal space. He is on our right, on our left, and His angels are round about us. And I know he ALWAYS has our back! What that means to me is that whatever direction we turn, right, left, front, back, He is there. His angels showed up in the form of Elder Becker, Sister Ranger, your bishop and his wife, the doctors, the members of your ward who are beyond wonderful! They also appeared in the form of our friends, family and ward members who joined together in prayer in your behalf, and ours. I felt every prayer. I literally felt them and they carried me!
It is truly through the trials of life that I have grown closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus and gained increased faith in them. The first seizure all I could think is please don't have him have to come home. Please don't have him have to come home. After the second one I said, no matter what happens we will deal with it. I really don't want him to have to come home, but whatever happens we will deal with it. Thy will be done. Jesus take the wheel. That's how I want to live my life, with Jesus at the wheel. I trust him with all of my heart. There is no one better to ever put our trust in. No one!
My heart is bursting with gratitude. I see the tender mercies of God everywhere I look. I will forever be grateful.
I love you so much! I know you are exactly where you are supposed to be, doing exactly what you are supposed to be doing. There is nothing I want more than for you to spread the good news of the gospel with the fabulous folks in Canada. Take good and careful care of yourself so you can do that, so you can share the great plan on happiness with everyone who will listen.
Just keep swimming...and I will too!!
Mom
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